Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
