So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
