if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
