can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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