I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize