New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
