So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
