i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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