ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
