You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize