I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
