Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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