Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
