Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
