i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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