I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
