and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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