Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize