I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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