Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
