it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
too bad you live with your parents still
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
