I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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