i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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