Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize