I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
