im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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