nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my phone needs a breathalizer
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
