i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
