I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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