I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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