Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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