If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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