I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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