Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
