That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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