Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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