dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
