K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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