I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
