oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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