Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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