just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
