If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
