If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize