Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
