I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
They took my balls.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
