My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize