Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
