the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
