Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
