just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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