My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
