sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
