What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
