Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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