Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
