White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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