she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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