Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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