yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
