so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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