just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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