its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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