I want to have your abortion
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't deserve a penis
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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