i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
