worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
