Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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