Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
