Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
