if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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