Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
