He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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