i just wanna soil my oats bro
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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