It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
