do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
