I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
where are my eyebrows?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
