dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
