the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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