i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
