the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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