Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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