Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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