Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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