I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
