saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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