if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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