just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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