Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
