I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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