Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
