what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
