Yo dont text me then not text me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
