I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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