So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
