bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
