hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
