I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize