well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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