Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
