my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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