I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
