was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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