marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize