I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
