You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
