You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
