I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize