She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
