just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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