I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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