either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
