in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
