I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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