Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
try to milk me bitch
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
